Fullmetal Funniez
by The Eternal Black Alchemist
Summary: Random jokes in random places with the FMA cast! HILARIOUS!
1. Act 1

Fullmetal Funniez

**Disclaimer: FMA and all things related to FMA sadly belong to someone other than me. :(

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Ed: *walks into furniture store*

Cashier: may I help you sir?

Ed: No, just looking around

*walks near the plant section*

Scene: Other side of the store

Envy: Now where did I put that candy bar? Oh yeah, it's in the plant section.

*runs quickly to claim delicious sugary snack*

Ed: Hmmm….. Maybe I should buy a plant for Al, he loves plants.

Envy: Hey look! The bean boy is here too. I've got an idea…

Ed: Hey this is an odd plant; it almost looks like a palm tree-…….

Envy: HEY BEAN BOY! WHAT'CHA DOIN?

Ed: *screams loudly* what are you doing here?!

Envy: I just thought I'd stop by and pick up my candy- *Ed cuts him off *

Ed: Oh. So this is_ your_ candy bar?

Envy: Yes, now keep your dirty paws off my chocolate covered deliciousness!

Ed: Looks tasty, can I have it? *stares at Envy maniacally* Plus, I have HANDS! *Rubs hand in Envy's face*

Ed: *stares at candy bar desperately* Ohhhh…… *tummy rumbling* Soooo hungry…..

Envy: Well that is just too bad for you bean boy!

Ed: WHO ARE YOU CALLING A BEAN WHO NEDDDS A MICROSCOPE TO LOOK AT!!!

*Runs off with envy's treat*

Ed: * Begins singing* Ha-ha, he- he, I got Envy's can-dy! Muahahahahah!!!!!!

Envy: COME BACK HERE PIPSQUEAK!!!

*Runs off in sunset*

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_**Wow! This took me a long time to write. I just want to say thanks to Fullmetal Alchemist and all that accompanies it. (Including the awesomeness that is… EDWARD ELRIC!) So stay tuned for more Fullmetal Funniez…… with a z! **__****_


	2. Act 2

Fullmetal Funniez #2

**Disclaimer: The Fullmetal Alchemist Series and everything that goes with it doesn't belong to me. (WAAAAAAAAA!)

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*Scene: 5th Laboratory*

Rose: Ed! What are you doing get out of there! You're going to get killed!!!

Ed: Don't worry about me Rose; you just get everyone else out. I'll find a way to save us all. Now GO!!!

*makes a heroic smile and runs off*

*Rose runs down hallway and a convenient steam roller "accidently" stumbles upon her *oops* :3

Ed: Ok you little freak where are you…

*steps on a booby trap *

Ed: What the…

*turns around*

Ed: Ahhhh!

*small, sharp spears begin to fall*

Ed: Holy crab cakes! That was close-

*pushes floor button*

*wall begins to unfold a HUGE blade*

Ed: What is wrong with this place!

*Large, deadly pit opens up*

Ed: OMG!!!!

*hangs on to side*

Ed: WOW! They must hate having visitors.

*pushes yet another trap*

Ed: Oh! What is it this time? A flame thrower, a wind tunnel, a- …

*rumble rumble*

Ed: Oh no. This can't be good!

*boulder rolls down platform*

Ed: Ahhhh!! This is even worse!

*Ed finds a small caved wall to hide in*

WOOOOOOSH!!!!!!!!

Ed: Man, I'm glad I'm small

YOU WIN! NEW HIGHSCORE!

*Ed playing his own video game*

Ed: Oh yeah! I win, for the fourth time! In your face Al!

Al: Nisan! I can't help it. You lived that scene. I think your just showing off.

*vein appears on Ed's face*

Ed: WHO ARE YOU CALLING A SHOW OFF WHO IS SMALL ENOUGH TO ESCAPE A BOOBY TRAP!!

Al: You

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**Hooray! The second one is finally done! Ok, maybe I went a little far with the steamroller, but she deserved it! (says The Ever-Blue Alchemist)Sorry for all you people who love Rose. My Sis hates her guts and wanted her to die.**

**Sis: DIE ROSE!!!! STUPID PERSON-WHO-STEALS-ED-FROM-WINRY-WHO-OBVIOUSLY-DESERVES-HIM!!!!!!! GAH!!!**

** ... yeah. F.M.F. 3 will be published soon! Until then, stay tuned for more Fullmetal Funniez… with a Z!! **


	3. Act 3

_Fullmetal Funniez _

_**DISCLAIMER: Sadly, I do not own or have anything to do with Fullmetal Alchemist. That belongs to someone else.

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_Sorry this took so long. I totally forget about it. So I hope you enjoy. It won't be my best but at least I tried. I'm going to be doing something different now. Instead of the normal format that I usually use, I'm just going to do it in paragraphs now. Hope that's ok with u guyz. XD_

_*Phone rings*__"Hello? Rockbell automail, how can I help you?" With her hopes up, Winry expects it's Ed, calling to say hi, but there was no answer. *Hangs up* *Phone rings again* "Rockbell residence, Winry speaking…"There still is no answer. Angrily, she smacks the phone back in its place. She crossed her arms in frustration. *Phone rings yet another time* "What the **** do you want!?" "Umm… I just wanted my automail repaired. Am I calling at a bad time?" a shaky voice replied. "Oh… of course not, my apologies." _

_Two days L8R__:_

_*Phone rings* "Who could it be this time?" Winry awaits a certain someone's voice…but there is no one on the other line. *hangs up, yet again* "I'm so mad!!!" *vein pops out of her head*_

_Meanwhile in Central: _

_ "Why is this stupid phone not working, Al?" _


	4. Act 4

Fullmetal Funniez IV

**DISCLAIMER: All things that are related to Fullmetal Alchemist do ****NOT ****belong to me. (WAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) :^(

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*Scene: Hospital- Ed's room*

"Thank you, Miss Doctor Person," said Ed gratefully as he received his final meal of the day (Which contains milk- keep that in mind :3)

30 minutes later: *satisfying sigh* "Wow! I never new hospital food could taste this good! I wish I could have some more," Ed thought. *Winry bursts in* "ED!! You can't have any more unless you finish your milk!" "_Until you finish your milk," _Ed replayed in his head staring at his target which happens to be dairy goodness, at least that wasn't what Ed was thinking. "Winry! You of all people know that I don't drink that crap!!! "But Ed, it's good for you. "The only way you can make me drink this is if you force it down my throat or disguise it some how, some way. *Winry makes a devious smirk on her face* "Ok Ed, it seems I can't get you to drink your milk so I guess I'll be leaving now," Winry said with complete lies in every word.

*Dashes to the hospital kitchen to grab some "ingredients"* "Hey can I borrow this thanks," Winry said rapidly as she gathered the needed substances. In just five minutes she made a delicious drink that tastes nothing like milk! Now it was just a matter of getting it to Ed without any suspicion. *Walks "normal" to Ed's hospital room*

"Ed? I feel bad for talking to you that way, so I made you this. *Holds _milk_shake in front of Ed, with his eyes bulging out of his head at the delicious chocolaty creation* "Well, thank you, Winry. That is very kind of you," Ed said, snatching it from Winry's very hands, just as she planned. Ed quickly downed the _milk_shake and set it on a tray on the side table. "Amazing! What was in that drink, Winry?" "Oh, you know, the usual. Chocolate chips, sugar, and a little…*turns head slowly* _milk._ *Ed spits it all over the hospital room* "What the heck were you thinking? Now I'm gonna die!!! "Oh, quit being a baby," Winry demanded.


	5. Act 5

_Fullmetal Funniez V_

_*__**Disclaimer: All content that involves Fullmetal Alchemist and the two games, The Broken Angel and the Curse of the Crimson Elixir that I mention, do NOT, that means NOT MINE, belong to me.

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_This takes place in Risembool, specifically at the Rockbell home/yard.*_

_ Ed walks up the Rockbell driveway depressed because his escort is the one and only… ALEX LOUIS ARMSTRONG! "What a beautiful homeland you have, Fullmetal Alchemist," Armstrong said for the 50__th__ time since they boarded the train. *Pinako turns her head slowly to find that her "family" is back in town. "Winry! Ed and Al are here. Why don't you come down to greet them?" There was no reply… "So Al, I'll fix you up as soon as I get my arm fixed up, I promise," Ed said in his serious, yet convincing voice. "Ok, Nii-san." *Ed suddenly hears a whistling sound getting louder very second, like something was coming toward him* *BONK* "That's just great! She uses the wrench I bought her to kill me! Oh boy! What a nice "welcome home" reunion we have here," Ed exclaimed as he patted the wrench-sized dent on his aching head._

_Meanwhile in Central:_

_ "Hughes, you really should get back to work," Colonel Mustang commanded the cheerfully insane major. "Well what a coincidence, I'm working too! Can you believe how big Elisia's gotten? She can ride a tricycle now! She follows me around like my own escort of cuteness! :3 (LOL L luv when Hughes brags about his daughter its SOOO funny, yet adorable at the same time!) *Kisses his picture of his daughter for the what, 100__th__ time now? I can't keep count* "You know Hughes; you wouldn't happen to know an alchemy trick that can incinerate anyone through the phone, do you?" "Nope, I can't say that I do, but I bet Elisia's smile will wipe that anger from you immediately!" As Hughes goes on and on and on and on about his wonderful daughter, the Colonel finally steps in. "Ok seriously Hughes, this situation with Scar is getting out of hand. I'll be going to West Headquarters to find out what the big deal is," Colonel Mustang Explained. "Well you should hurry up… (Here comes my favorite part! :3 ) and get a wife!" "SHUT UP!" Mustang shouted as he slams the phone on its holder, almost breaking it. "I swear, Lieutenant, I am going to burn him into charcoal if he calls me again!" "Now sir, don't be like that. He's just trying to share his love with his family that you'll probably never have." *Mustang slumps as he weeps in depression*_

_Meanwhile back in Risembool:_

_ "Are you ready Al," Ed said curiously as he assembled the parts to rebuild Al's armor. "Yes, brother," Al said determinedly. *Cue the awesomeflashyalchemylights* "Edward, what is that?" Armstrong said curiously. "That's his blood seal; of course it's my blood I used to bond his soul to his armor. I was kind of desperate," Ed explained from his harmful memories. "MY MY! WHAT BROTHERLY LOVE YOU SHARE!_

_ "Well Al, looks like it's time to test out ourselves with a fight! I bet I'll win this time!" Al abruptly interrupts him. "No offense Nii-san, but I've beaten you EVERY single time; you don't have a chance." Ed mumbles a comment not known to Al. Right then, it was decided.

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_A/N: Hey ppl! This is my first time doing the author's note, I think, oh well! Well? How was it? What can I improve on? Leave ur comments in a review, which u should have already done! Look, there's a button right below, press it. It's getting lonely. It hasn't been clicked in a long time. U know u want to!_

_-E.B.A :3 _


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